i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
