You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
