jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
