Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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