Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
