Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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