he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
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they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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