Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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