Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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