True but thats because hes a fetus.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
