thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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