I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just found a bag of teeth...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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