I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
