Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
