nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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