I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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