i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
