last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
