im holly from the hills drunk
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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