Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
