Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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