He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
