kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
