I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
