It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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