Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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