Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.