1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
