i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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