Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
