i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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