Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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