Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
