i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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