How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
