I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We talked him into tasing himself.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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