What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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