she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
