Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
