I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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