i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
a search helicopter?!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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