even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
