Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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