There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
