Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My ass is underappreciated
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
