that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
