Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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