Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
