Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
