Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
