I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
