he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
