Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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