Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
