Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I supernannyed him into submission
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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