porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
