I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
