Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
