remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
