my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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