dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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