There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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