Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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