I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
