that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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