I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
