you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
