Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
