i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
