The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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