I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
