i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
