I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
