the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
