we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
