Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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