So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Buhtt sex?
You can't motorboat a personality
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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