It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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