You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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