I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have fence marks all over my body
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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