It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
