nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
