This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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