I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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